something approximating guilt

I fake having faith
I'm a garbled countdown
Characters numbers I don't understand
I force the hope needed
That I'm reading them wrong
Forgot to carry a one or subtract
My pretenses protect my investments

This breath is ashamed
And it's raining outside
I'm so excited it's raining outside
I'm some kind of used smooth
Worn out ways I can't say
Worn out and rubbed out illegibly faded
With angry red rusty magnetic ink

I sweat gentle mud
Organic chemicals
Covalent bondage agents secreted
I live in cold places
Bodyheat afterthought
Consequence of vestigial heartbeats
My incisive blameless eyes divisive

A delicate void
That fills with others' heat
Wrapped huddled and shivering clinging tight
I'm faulty engine parts
My hands unreadable
Too many hands point to tell the moment
My aching busted shell frustrated

I perform gestures
Wherever seems useful
And still reading wrong I still read them wrong
Reiterating days
My duties rote fashion
Somewhere else always somewhere else always
My face fifty thousand fluid falsehoods

I'm quickly ticking
Not bomb boom self destruct
Implosion ash flash magnesium flare
I'm fraudulent law
Of telling making time
I can see the future because it ends
But I can't see the where of the when ends