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Star Wars Dorks
Titanic geekdom sinking in the Atlantic. Plus Chicken McNuggets. And apparently "hella" was in my vocabulary at this point in my life, I apologize. God, do I apologize.
Big Dork: I'm reading that Darth Maul will be in Episode 3.
Huge Nerd: ::nod:: The joy of cloning.
Big Dork: And will likely fight Vader for the emperor's second..
Huge Nerd: ::nod:: Course.
Big Dork: Which would be a hella good fight, because Darth Maul's a fucking ninja, but he's nowhere as strong with using the Force.
Huge Nerd: Vader has to get the title Darth from somewhere.
Big Dork: :pulls out his Star Wars Dork mask:
Huge Nerd: Is a closet Star Wars dork
Big Dork: I used to have this argument with other friends.
Big Dork: The who would win thing.
Huge Nerd: Vader wins. It's a foregone conclusion.
Big Dork: It's tricky, since Darth Vader wasn't at his peak in the latter episodes.
Big Dork: Nah, that aside, you know.
Big Dork: It seems that Vader would get his ass RAVAGED by Maul, in comparison.
Huge Nerd: Nah.
Big Dork: But chances are, if this fight happens, Maul had a huge part in making him like that.
Big Dork: No no, really, look at it.
Big Dork: Vader's not nearly as physical.
Huge Nerd: "The force is strong in this one, as it was with his father before him."
Big Dork: I know, Vader is hella strong with the Force.
Big Dork: But even with that strength, Maul has amazing combat skills.
Big Dork: If Maul fought Vader as Vader was in Episode 6, think about it.
Big Dork: Damn good chance that Vader would lose.
Big Dork: But... Episode 3 is ..of course.. long before that time.
Huge Nerd: Vader doubted the Dark Side.
Huge Nerd: He was in his decline.
Big Dork: Mmmhmm.
Big Dork: Let's say episode 4, then.
Huge Nerd: When Vader takes the Lord of the Sith Mantle, he's at the height of his power and conviction.
Huge Nerd: And, in Last Hope too.
Big Dork: Episode 4, when he's on Leia's ship.
Big Dork: You know, tear up everying inch of this ship sort of stuff.
Huge Nerd: Fuck, he could wave his hand and Maul would be wagging his tail like a little fucking puppy.
Big Dork: Ayep.
Big Dork: So with Vader's power, but obvious physical lack in latter episodes.. versus Maul's extreme physical prowess, but failure to manage much more than the Push and telekinesis... it's a toss up.
Huge Nerd: Vader was responsible for the massacre of almost all of the Jedi Knights.
Big Dork: Force or no Force, Maul's a ninja. Only way I see Vader beating Maul is when he was younger and not half as fucked up.
Big Dork: Shit, he's on a respirator, definately lacks one hand, probably a foot and some guts.
Huge Nerd: And, ya gotta figure, in Episode 6, not only was Vader's faith in the darkside waning, but he had been trapped in his armour for years.
Huge Nerd: And, he was fighting his son.
Big Dork: That's why I'm saying 4 instead.
Big Dork: Episode 4 Darth Vader was the shit.
Big Dork: Still, he's no wear the physical specimen Maul was.
Big Dork: Erm. Where.
Big Dork: :gags:
Huge Nerd: He was still all armoured up, but, his faith in force, and his cause, was unwavering.
Big Dork: Somehow combined Nowhere Near into .. no wear.
Huge Nerd: I speak bonehead.
Huge Nerd: Knew whatcha meant.
Big Dork: Eh? Bonehead?
Huge Nerd: Yer denying it?
Big Dork: You calling me a bonehead? Heh.
Huge Nerd: At the moment.
Huge Nerd: You said "no wear."
Big Dork: Look at it. Luke was almost a pussy with the light sabre.
Huge Nerd: Not in Jedi.
Big Dork: Hm. I don't know..
Huge Nerd: He had five years between Empire and Jedi, hunting for Solo.
Big Dork: It's hard to say, because Luke was also strong with the Force, but clearly not that much a fighter.
Huge Nerd: And, most of that time, he was alone, working on sabre shit, and mastering the force.
Big Dork: Which is to be expected due to lack of training partners, among other things.
Huge Nerd: Ithink Vader vs. Maul is when Vader's gonna lose his hand.
Big Dork: Probably.
Big Dork: And probably get that gash in his head.
Huge Nerd: And begin his descent into being locked into the arrmour.
Huge Nerd: I mean, hell, he hunted the JEdi Knights. He got fucked up.
Big Dork: Run through like Qui-Gon, put him on the respirator, then somehow kill Maul.
Huge Nerd: Nah, the armour happened over time, or it should.
Huge Nerd: He was the guy who killed the Jedi, so it's fitting.
Big Dork: Think about it, though.
Huge Nerd: Part of his damnation.
Big Dork: They're going to want some sort of horribly visible, symbolic link to what Vader will become.
Huge Nerd: The hand will work.
Big Dork: Vader's mask is symbolicly Vader.
Huge Nerd: Though, they might do something more horrible.
Huge Nerd: But, they could do it in better ways, too.
Big Dork: Oh, surely.
Huge Nerd: Though, slashing up his face would work.
Huge Nerd: And, suffice to piss him off enough that he could take Maul.
Big Dork: Hey, there's a thought. Mask to cover up the gash.
Huge Nerd: His decline to what he was in 6 took a long time.
Big Dork: Go to 4, though.
Huge Nerd: If it happens in one fight, with Maul, that'd piss me off.
Big Dork: But Maul is capable of that.
Big Dork: That's what I'm saying.
Huge Nerd: Yeah, but, it would fuck up the story.
Big Dork: If Maul can't compare to Vader's grasp of the Force, well..
Big Dork: Story? Like in the books?
Huge Nerd: Vader could NOT take out the entirety of the Jedi alone, without getting hurt.
Huge Nerd: If Maul is solely responsible for fucking him up, well... That's just wrong.
Big Dork: I don't think Vader singlehandedly stood there and killed each individual Jedi.
Huge Nerd: I don't either.
Huge Nerd: But, he did kill the majority of them.
Big Dork: Hell, that might come before the Maul fight, the destruction of the Council.
Huge Nerd: It's been stated in several of the books.
Huge Nerd: I need to run to the store soon. Got a hankering for some chicken nuggets.
Big Dork: Heh. Those kick ass.
Big Dork: I'm going to put this up on my site, since people "love" Star Wars dorks.
Big Dork: I'll change your name.
Big Dork: To protect the innocent.
Huge Nerd: We could debate this all day. But, I promise ya, I won't waver very much in how I think the Star Wars plot could go.
Big Dork: I'll name you ... Bob Hopeless.
Huge Nerd: Nah, name me DarthSaine
Big Dork: Hm. Darth Hope? :snickers: Darth Nuggets.
Huge Nerd: SWe played in a post-Jedi Star Wars RPG campaign once...
Huge Nerd: Darth Nuggets!
Huge Nerd: Hell yeah.
Big Dork: Aight, Darth Nuggets.
Big Dork: :salutes:
Huge Nerd: My character rediscovered the secrets of the Sith.
Huge Nerd: Fell to the Dark Side...
Huge Nerd: Fought Skywalker...
Huge Nerd: Got his arm cut off...
Big Dork: Didn't I see that in episode six?
Big Dork: :grins:
Huge Nerd: Swore revenge, and recreated the Sith High Council.
Big Dork: Ah. Yes.
Huge Nerd: We played a Star Wars bad guy campaign.
Huge Nerd: It rocked.
Big Dork: I wish Chewie was a Jedi.
Huge Nerd: So... I did a lot of research.
Huge Nerd: We had a Wookie Bounty Hunter who dabbled in the force...
Huge Nerd: He died, though.
Big Dork: Just because, you know.. he'd catch his hair in the lightsabre, and all that.. he'd be a singed shag carpet.
Huge Nerd: I killed him, in fact.
Huge Nerd: He made fun of me after Luke kicked my ass.
Huge Nerd: So, I chopped him into puppy chow.
Big Dork: Lightsabres would be fun stuff. Since, you know, I'd never pay a speeding ticket.
Big Dork: "Excuse me, officer? I was speeding?" ..fwooom... "Are you sure?" ..whooz whoooz...
Huge Nerd: ::snicker::
Big Dork: I wouldn't pay for happy meals, either.
Huge Nerd: ::snicker::
Big Dork: I'd be like "Bitz, gimme that." ..whooz whooz..
Huge Nerd: Gimme my chicken nuggets, or else!
Huge Nerd: ::fwwozh::
Big Dork: "I demand of you the large fries, and the vanilla milkshake. Prrrronto." ..fwhom whooz..
Huge Nerd: God, haven't talked Star Wars in a long time.
Huge Nerd: I find your lack of cooperation disturbing. ::raise hand:: ::choke:: ::snap::
Big Dork: Boy howdy!
Huge Nerd: Now, who will give me my vanilla milkshake?
Big Dork: ...hehehe... I've always wanted to say that.
Huge Nerd: ::snicker::
Huge Nerd: You hafta incluse the Nuggets comment, though, to put "Darth Nuggets" into context.
Big Dork: "I require fifty unmarked American dollars change for the five dollars I have offered unto you, to pay for the happy meal in question. And I want the Hot Wheels car." ... whooz fwaah woom..
Big Dork: It'll all go up, yeah.
Big Dork: Everything except my Font, since so few people have Nosferatu.
Big Dork: Not like you can see it anyhow.. ..whooz whizz shoooom..
Huge Nerd: I am not the customer you were looking for. Now please, give me my happy meal. ::hides the first happy meal behind his back::
Big Dork: "You are surely mistaken." ...fwoom.. "..I have already paid for the car."
Huge Nerd: You don't need to see my receipt.
Big Dork: "This is not the customer you're looking for."
Car Salesman: "..This isn't the customer we're looking for."
Huge Nerd: God, I hafta buy Star Wars now.
Big Dork: You don't own a copy?!
Huge Nerd: I did.
Huge Nerd: Left it when I moved.
Big Dork: Geezuss H. Christ!
Huge Nerd: YEah, well.
Huge Nerd: I woulda taped it off TNT, but I hate commercials.
Huge Nerd: I wanna create my own version, too.
Huge Nerd: I want to fixe the Greedo scene back to the original.
Big Dork: Create your own Star Wars?
Huge Nerd: Well, just edit that one spot.
Big Dork: Fix Greedo, make Leia's slave bra fall off.. you know..
Huge Nerd: Otherwise, I like the Special Edition.
Huge Nerd: Nah, if I wanna see Leia naked, I can just watch The Man With One Red Shoe.
Big Dork: Huh?
Huge Nerd: She gets all half naked and stuff.
Huge Nerd: In these leopard spot underwear, too.
Big Dork: I don't know what to think of this.
Big Dork: I guess my most pressing question is .. What year is that movie?
Big Dork: :snickers:
Huge Nerd: ::Raise eye::
Huge Nerd: 80 something.
Huge Nerd: Around the same time as Splash.
Huge Nerd: Tom Hanks comedy flick.
Big Dork: This explains the single shoe.
Huge Nerd: Big, Splash, and that one all came out within 3 or 4 years of each other.
Huge Nerd: Maybe all in the same year, I'm not sure.
Big Dork: Crazy.
Huge Nerd: Big was 83 or 84.
Huge Nerd: So, it came out between Jedi and Empire.
Big Dork: Remember this, kids. Carrie Fisher NUDE XXX NAKED!!! ...heheh, look, I'm turning into Porn Site Man, like in my e-mails.
Huge Nerd: ::snicker:;
Big Dork: Wait, not MY e-mails, the ones I GET...heh.
Huge Nerd: There's prolly real nudie pics of her out there somewhere.
Huge Nerd: Mmmm hmmm.
Huge Nerd: ::is skeptical::
Big Dork: Yeah, she was cute back in the day. You know she posed, Polaroid style.
Huge Nerd: Man, this McD's close to where I work sells 50 piece nugget buckets.
Big Dork: Dude. That's fifty chicken McNuggets.
Huge Nerd: HEll yeah.
Huge Nerd: I'd be the Scrooge McDuck of chicken nuggets.
Big Dork: That's ungodly.
Huge Nerd: I could swim in em.
Big Dork: How much is that?
Huge Nerd: Prolly 10 bucks.
Big Dork: Sounds like twenty bucks of Nuggetty goodness.
Big Dork: It'd take me days to kill that.
Huge Nerd: 20 is 4.79
Huge Nerd: So, I'd say the bucket is 8-10 bucks.
Big Dork: Probably closer to Ten to twelve.
Huge Nerd: I've been jonesing for nuggets all week.
Big Dork: Chicken McNuggets are made with crack, you know.
Huge Nerd: ::shrug:: So?
Huge Nerd: I'm Darth Nuggets.
Huge Nerd: I may have to make that SN now.
Big Dork: Cracken McNuggets didn't pass the concept stage.
Big Dork: Darth Nuggets sounds like a Star Wars Porn Name.
Huge Nerd: ::snicker::
Big Dork: I'd be Darth Wang.
Huge Nerd: Hang on for a sec, so I can get on my Master SN.
Big Dork: Darth Diggler.
Big Dork: YES! Darth Diggler!
Huge Nerd signed off at 12:37:12 PM.
Thank goodness we were totally damned wrong about Star Wars Episode III. Well, maybe, considering the flawed genius of one George Lucas. Maybe it would have been better at some point for a Darth Maul clone, or cyborg, to have appeared. Anyway, Star Wars is dumb or something. I love it.
Now I'll await all the angry jackasses that accidentally came here when looking for hot nude Carrie Fisher pixxx...
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