Dances with Testicles, Part I : Burning Brazil
Some random Brazillians, with doubtlessly noble political intentions, bolster their essays with art images found on the internet. The big problem being not that they borrowed the images without asking (though, of course, it is a problem), but that the parties involved did not host the images on their own, with their own servers or even a photobucket or flickr account, instead hotlinking directly to my images and stealing my bandwidth allocated for my site.
The short of this whole Bandwidth Theft business being, if enough people (or even just one person with a sufficient internet presence) keep hotlinking directly to my images, they suck up my bandwidth allotment, and my site stops working entirely. It gets put on hiatus by the guys that host my site until the next month, effectively ruining why I have this site in the first place - for me to have a readily available on-line portfolio with which to share my work with friends, colleagues, professors, other artists, and cute girls.
So I discover that an image of mine, the OPPOSITION drawing, has been drafted into service at some Brazillian blog. I cannot be more specific because I do not speak Portuguese and picking through it with what I know of Latin roots and Spanish just is not enough. Running it through altavista's Babel Fish clears a few things up, looks like the guys there have some good heads on their shoulders. Frankly, I'm flattered that they liked my image enough to include it. But they hotlinked me. For that, they must pay.
I elect to replace the image. See, the way this hotlinking business works, they create a link to display an image on their site by loading it directly from my site. This means that if I keep the file name and path the same, I can change the image into whatever I want. I want my balls.
After all, revenge is a dish best served with fava beans and a nice chianti.
This is a screen shot of the Arteblog before I changed the image. Interesting read, for the most part, dealing with ... anyway, they were ripping me off. Enough niceties.
I changed the image and glorified the blog with my balls. The image linked here is a censored version, rest easy, but not a hair or wrinkle was spared for the culprits.
I then wrote them a courteous message, reading:
By linking directly to the images of artists from their web sites, you are stealing transfer allowances from them.
I have also illustrated what we artists can do to thieves in return for the lack of consideration by replacing the image with my testicles.
I do not mind that you used my image, but you affect the ability of others to look at my work when you link to my image files as you did.
Forgive my poor Portuguese, I am using a cumbersome program for this communication.
And then I got way curious about how good a job Babel Fish had done, so I switched it back into English.
Binding directly to the images of the artists of its places of the fotorreceptora leather strap, you it is stealing permissions of transference of them.
I also illustrated what we artists can make to the thieves in the return for the lack of the consideration substituting the image with my testicules.
I do not occupy of that you he used my image, but you affect the ability of another one of looking at my work when you bind my rasps of the image as you.
He pardons my poor Portuguese, me are using a program bother for this communication.
IT PUTS THE LOTION ON ITS SKIN. PUT THE RASPS IN THE RASPING CABINET. OCCUPY OF THE LOCK, IT IS CUNNING.
All in all, an epic April evening.
Dances with Testicles, Part II : Collateral Damage
In late July, I discovered yet another person had hotlinked to the exact same image for his blog, and purely by accident I burned him for it, too, as he became a secondary casualty in my vengence against the Brazillians. Fortunately for this second guy, no one was reading his blog - not even him, since he failed to notice months later that I had swapped the image he stole with my lovely scrotes.
As this was mostly a bonus burn, I shared it with friends, a good laugh was had by all, and I kept a screen shot of it for posterity, which can be viewed here.
idgonemad.net/Dances with Testicles
Dances with Testicles
aka "Don't Steal My Bandwidth"
define - bandwidth: transmission capacity alloted for data transfer or the rate of the transfer; in practice, how much a particular entity is permitted to utilize means of transmission and processing resources, often quantified and rationed per a payment term, ie: 1 Gigabyte per Month
describe : bandwidth stolen, retaliation proper
Captain Coinpurse PFFFTTT
TennesseeTeeth: uuuyhh
Captain Coinpurse http://pre-vestibular.arteblog.com.br/r563/ATUALIDADES/4/
Captain Coinpurse SOME RANDOM BRAZILS HAVE USED ONE OF MY ARTS IN A POLITICAL RANT
Captain Coinpurse GOSH DANG IT THE HECK
TennesseeTeeth: *PEES OFF A MOUNTAIN*
Captain Coinpurse i do not pelieve you can manage that trajectory without a penor
TennesseeTeeth: which arts, now?
Captain Coinpurse Near the bottom is a black and white thing.
TennesseeTeeth: what is it of
Captain Coinpurse If you do a search for the word POLITICAGEM it'll be right under it.
TennesseeTeeth: HAHAHA
TennesseeTeeth: TEY STOLE'D IT
Captain Coinpurse i wuz robbed
Captain Coinpurse I should replace it with "lol brazil
TennesseeTeeth: szrsly
TennesseeTeeth: DO IT
Captain Coinpurse With a picture of my BALLS
TennesseeTeeth: omg it is direct linking to you
Captain Coinpurse lol @ brazil
TennesseeTeeth: DO IT DO IT
TennesseeTeeth: RIGHT NOW.
TennesseeTeeth: DO ITTT
Captain Coinpurse I wonder what sort of lighting I should use for my BALLS.
TennesseeTeeth: You HAVE to do this.
TennesseeTeeth: I will make a fake picture if I have to
Captain Coinpurse WHERE ARE SERFLAK'S BALLS WHEN I NEED THEM
Captain Coinpurse mine got shy
TennesseeTeeth: did they shrink
Captain Coinpurse yes :-(
Captain Coinpurse I am ashamed of my scrotes.
TennesseeTeeth: nooo
Captain Coinpurse http://www.elitesavers.com/funny/testicles.jpg
Captain Coinpurse http://content.revolutionhealth.com/contentimages/images-image_popup-testicular.jpg
TennesseeTeeth: The dangly ones are good
Captain Coinpurse Said the lesbian.
TennesseeTeeth: Yes
Captain Coinpurse It's so hard to choose, they all look so good.
Please store image files yourself when using them in your writing.
I ran the message through Babel Fish from English into Portuguese, then posted it on the blog in question.
It stores the rasps you yourselves of the image when using them in its writing please.
Copyright information is found here.
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